Christmas Elves

Or… are they Gnomes

I have recently written about elves so I thought I would expand the idea for the Holiday Season and all of the Elf on a Shelf hysteria that has griped the nation and social media.


xmaselfThe idea of the Christmas Elf, Santa’s Helpers and chief toymakers, is a modern one and they have as much resemblance to fantastical elves as I do.  They are very small and their past-time of building things and making toys is much more like the concept of a gnome in my opinion then that of the noble elf.  The Christmas elf is roughly 2-3 feet high, they are very frail, they spend their time building toys, hanging out in the North Pole and apparently they are perfectly happy with the position as unionized labor for the fat man.

The fantastical elf is taller standing between 5 and 7 feet tall, depending on the author of the literature, they spend their time in kingdom building and adventuring and of course most elves would not have the patience to work for the human Santa Claus and there would be blood shed at the forced march of toymaking leading up to the holidays.

The Barenaked Ladies explain the plight of the elf best in their Holiday song: An Elf’s Lament

I’m a man of reason, and they say “‘Tis the season to be jolly”
But it’s folly when you volley for position

Never in existence has there been such a resistance
To ideas meant to free us
If you could see us, then you’d listen

Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages
There’s no union
We’re only through when we outdo the competition

I make toys, but I’ve got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There’s a list for who’s been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

xmaself1A full indentured servitude can reflect on one’s attitude
But that silly red hat just makes the fat man look outrageous

Absurd though it may seem, you know, I’ve heard there’s even been illegal doping
And though we’re coping, I just hope it’s not contagious

You try to start a movement, and you think you see improvement
But when thrown into the moment, we just don’t seem so courageous.

So in all the rage that is Elf on a Shelf and the hustle ansd bustle as we all look to the skies expecting Santa, ,ale sure you remember the lowly elf, or maybe it is a gnome, or maybe it is a golem of some kind.  A very small golem, made of candy…