Ren Fair Virgins

You will see this term used throughout the site and most of the time abbreviated with the initials RFV.  RFV is not a disease and if you have this affliction, there is a quick cure (more on the cure later).  RFV also is not transmitted by bodily contact or fluids and in fact some fluids can stop RFV cold (Mead, Turkey Leg Grease, Beer & Wine to name a few).

I am a proponent of ending worldwide RFV.  It is a horrible condition.  A condition that keeps you firmly in the box of mediocrity.  Firmly ensconced inside the box or normalcy.  Fixed in your mundane clothes without leather ties and not a corset in sight – obviously no codpieces..  Here are a few ways to spot someone with RFV:

  • How Balanced?

    How Balanced?

    They are wearing a shirt that was designed after 1850.

  • There is not a sword or a dagger in sight on their person.
  • They are offended by the term wench.
  • They wonder why there are three Tortuga Twins
  • They don’t know how to use the word Huzzah! in a sentence.
  • They are as wide-eyed as their children at the site of the Kissing Wench.
  • They think Ded Bob might actually be dead.
  • They wonder how balanced the Barely Balanced squad is.

If you have a friend that is exhibiting these or many of the other signs of RFV there is a sure fire way to cure them.  Bring them to a Ren Fair!  Load them into a car and take them immediately.   There are fairs all over the country, running all year long.  Find the closest one to your hometown and plan a road trip.  Ease your afflicted friend into it slowly.  Don’t make them go in costume their first time, save that for their second trip.  Don’t make them get peace tied for carrying a weapon, but tie them up if you need to – they might even like it.  Ease them out of their virginity slowly.  The taking of RFV quickly can be painful.

Be gentle, be tender.  After they have lost their Ren-Cherry – buy them a sword and get them a pair of horns to wear, you will both be better off for it.